The topic today is deeply personal for me; one that many believers are forced to reckon with when their spouse abruptly leaves the marriage for someone else. Bearing no fault, the wronged spouse is still subjected to a kind of leper treatment by family and friends who pull back, take sides and judge harshly. If children are involved, the grandparents turn every family event into a kind of intervention to advocate for their interests. What little visitation time a court grants to the father must now be shared with grandparents. Most hurtful was missing my daughters who were daddy’s girls and wanted to live with me. But since we had been a single-income family and my ex-wife a stay-at-home mom, the court refused to upset the status-quo even if the decision meant placing the girls in a very unhealthy environment. Someone has to bear the brunt of punishment meted out in a divorce and that, was me.

Forced to endure Job-like devastation I ran to the Lord with my broken heart and crushed spirit. He made His presence known in the midst of the fire and has remained close ever since. Like Job, I can look back and see the hand of God who restored me completely, and then some. How great is He who makes all things work together for good of those who love Him and whom He calls for His purposes.

But that doesn’t mean there weren’t heartaches and hardships on the road to restoration. Like the time a man accused me of adultery when at last I married again. He cited the commandment “Thou shalt not commit adultery” and maintained that the Law of Moses only permitted divorce during the betrothal period. After marrying he claimed there is no cause for divorce, not even adultery. This he claimed while citing Malachi: “I hate divorce” says the Lord. Worse yet his accusation of adultery included my beautiful, spirit-filled wife whom God had set aside for the day of my restoration.

What I want to share with those who like me have been victimized by an adulterous spouse and cruel divorce, is the healing process the Lord took me through to put condemnation away, for good.

The Lord began with John 8:3-11, where the woman caught in the act of adultery was dragged out and thrown down at the feet of Jesus. Her accusers, with stones in their hands, said to Jesus “the law of Moses says she should be stoned – what do YOU say?” Jesus replied “if any of you is without sin, let him cast the first stone”. One by one they dropped their stones and left. When only Jesus and the woman remained, He addressed her. Though Jesus was without sin and therefore in a position to throw stones, He didn’t even pick one up. Instead, He said “neither do I accuse you – go and sin no more”. Jesus was clear that the matter of sin is between Him and His child.

Sadly, the man who accused me, tried to make the issue of my alleged sin, his business. In doing so, he effectively picked up a stone and hurled it at me, thereby doing the work of his father, the accuser of the brethren.

Had he not read Paul, who wrote in Romans 8:1 “There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”

Or 1 Corinthians 2:15 where Paul wrote: “The spiritual person judges all things, but is himself to be judged by no one.”

For those who confess Christ, do we look at our brothers and sisters with spiritual eyes where we see the new creation He has made of us? Or do we stumble about in fleshly blindness and accuse our brothers of sins that Jesus has already forgiven? In one of my greatest regrets and deepest shames, I wounded a sister who was new in the Lord when our conversation took a turn toward discussing sin and I expressed my disgust for one in particular. As I spoke, her countenance fell but I failed to notice, continuing to give voice to my ignorance and insensitivity. Later I learned it was that very sin brought her to Christ for cleansing and salvation. Jesus had forgiven her, but my insensitive remarks condemned her. What lasting harm had I done to my new sister, by failing to bridle my tongue? What profit was there in opining about sin to a babe in Christ who only recently came to know His grace?

This I believe is why Paul admonishes us to focus on things above, so that Christ would be lifted up (Colossians 3:1-2). Conversely, when we take our eyes off of Christ and focus on one another, or worse yet the works of the enemy, such as sin, we run the risk of pronouncing as unclean that which God has made clean in Christ (Acts 10:15). Had the man or I looked with spiritual eyes, we should have seen Christ in whom there is NO sin or darkness. For it’s Christ by the Holy Spirit who dwells within these vessels of flesh. Do we greet one another with a holy kiss, like Paul advocates? Or with a stone?

As for believers who live and judge by the law, Paul wrote to the Galatians: “… do you even know what the law says?” Indeed, if the man had considered the whole law before accusing me, he may have come to a different conclusion. For the law says the adulterer and adulteress are to be put to death wherein I would have become a widower and free to remarry. However if like the man claimed I’m an adulterer because my ex-wife lives, it’s only because I showed mercy to my ex-wife and didn’t have her stoned as the law requires. That’s a Christ-like thing to do, not a cause to condemn me.

And really, where it’s sinners who stone sinners, where does it stop? Does the last sinner standing stone himself? It’s this question that causes me to ponder whether mercy has always been God’s desire for His children. Not just God showing mercy to us, but us showing mercy to one another.

In the end, the Father told me to simply ignore the man throwing stones. He doesn’t get it. The Spirit resides in me now just as He did then. In the years since, His presence has only increased as my flesh has learned to yield to the Spirit and God has blessed me with more of Himself. To the extent that I am in Christ and He is in me and together we are one, it’s truly absurd to accuse me of sin let alone cast the stone. The same goes for you, my friends. There is NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. May we always see each other with spiritual eyes and greet one another with the holy kiss reserved for the temples bearing the presence of Christ. May we also commit our way to righteousness and holiness.